The Illiterate Midlands Peasant Returns

The IMP returns! Again! After my second diaspora away from the interwebs I have come back (again) to comment on the best show on television at 9pm Saturdays (at least that's when it comes on where I live--hooray for DVR technology).

After a few lackluster episodes (in my un-humble opinion) I have enjoyed the reunion of Zedd to team up with the unfulfilled lovers--his dodgy personal traits and creepy wisdom are what push the show from "ok" to "I think we should start a blog about this show" level of entertainment.

Turning to the most recent episode (Sanctuary), there was a lot to like. Magical paintings, Kahlan and Richard staring at each other for uncomfortable lengths of time, a creepy painter-stalker detached from reality, and Darken Rahl trying to burn Richard alive...in a painting. However, as usual, there were plenty of WTF!? moments.

First, WTF?! was up with the use of the transporter special effect whenever anyone went into the painting? Was it an homage to Star Trek's release this past week? I guess I understand using a similar visual (there's only so many ways to demonstrate transporting someone), but I swear they used the same sound effect. I kept waiting for Richard to beg Scottie to beam him up out of the painting.

Second, WTF?! was up with Richard's fight against the elite D'Haran soldiers inside the painting? I understand when 4 soliders get beat up by the Seeker with the Sword of Truth, which gives the wielder the strength of a hundred men. But when Richard went into the painting he was not the Seeker, he was just a dude named Richard with a sword. I understand that Richard has been dealing out death with his sword practically non-stop for the entire season. I assume he knows how to use a sword. But he was fighting the special forces of the D'Haran army and all they managed to do was knick his arm. And there were 4 of them and one of him. WTF?! Also, wouldn't Richard's entire fighting style be premised on being vastly stronger than everyone else since he is the Seeker? Wouldn't that put him at a distinct disadvantage when fighting inside the magical painting where he has no power?

Speaking of the magical painting, WTF?!! Seriously, there is this uber-powerful magic that any artist can learn how to use? How about this plan, the painter paints Darken Rahl, trapping him in the painting, and then burns it. Boom, problem solved. Everyone is happy in the Midlands. If that stalker James learned the magic I think Zedd could figure it out.

Last, WTF?! was up with the librarian's kid? She's gone for a couple days at work and he decides to go begging on the street to make money? They never really have a conversation about that aftr she finds him. I get that there are bigger fish to fry (like being captured by soldiers and trapped in a painting), but kids generally don't turn into Oliver Twist when their mom stays late at the library. WTF?! Also, how big is this town that no one knows the kid is not the librarian's son? It's a famous library in what looked like a small town. I am guessing the head librarian's son is pretty well known and couldn't just go begging people for money in the middle of the town without someone being like "Hey Aiden, go home to your mom. I'm not giving you any money you little prick. O, and by the way, your dad sucked, I'm glad he's dead." Ok, maybe not that last part.

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The Illiterate Midlands Peasant

The IMP is back. That's right, your favorite non-book reading Legend of the Seeker-watching reviewer is here to share his insights on the latest episode. Or should I say webisode, since I had to stream the episode from Hulu onto my tv. Apparently my local cable company has decided to innacurately label the rerun episode of the Legend of the Seeker as the "new" episode, messing up my DVR recording schedule. Therefore Comcast gets the first WTF!? of this week.

Turning to the episode, I did not have too many complaints or moments of confusion...OK, that's a lie. The frequency of precisely those types of moments is what makes the show so damn fun to watch.

First up, WTF?! is up with "the Pristinely Ungifted" sister of Richard? I get that she was sheltered and simple (as Misha gently put it in the Legend of the Weeker), but she comes across as "pristinely halfwitted." I thought she was going to start drooling at one point as she stared blankly back at Richard.

Second, WTF?! is up with Zedd's sperm that he is the grandfather of both the Seeker and the Pristinely Ungifted? Nice work you creepy bastard. Seriously though, I hope they run with this whole "who is Richard's father" plot line so we can see what kind of twist they stoop to using. Is it Darken Rahl? Darken Rahl's brother? Zedd?!! Ok, that would be too creepy, even for Zedd. Regardless, it does leave the door open for some character growth and depth--something this show could use. Still, you gotta wonder what Zedd has been up to, siring such weird people.

Third, WTF?! is up with Darken Rahl's protection of the boxes of Orden? He knows that somewhere out there is the Pristinely Ungifted One. He has to know because he sent Denna to go get her. He knows that she could walk past his magical protections and grab the box, yet all he has is one dumb guard (nice face-smashing at the end of the episode, by the way) pacing around? Not even LOCKED UP?!! Darken Rahl has to have heard of the concept of a locked door. WTF?! It's not like Jennsen is a trained ninja thief. She walked into the palace and grabbed it. Good work Darken.

Finally, WTF?! is up with the plan to send Jennsen away with 2 of the 3 boxes. It's bad enough that Darken Rahl knows she exists, but if he suspects that she has the boxes (which he might since he knows she took them from him) then she will now have a huge bullseye on her. And while she is not effected by magic, she can't use magic to protect herself. And along with not being a ninja thief, Jennsen is not much of a fighter. Who could she protect the boxes from? I guess she could stare at any D'Haran soldier with her dead eyes and scare them off. Beyond that, she is pretty worthless as a protector of the boxes. WTF?!

That's all for now kids. See you next week. O, and check us out on Twitter (o, what the nerds come up with) at: @HopeHasAWarrior

The Illiterate Midlands Peasant

The IMP returns!  Sorry for the absence, but it's hard to blog about reruns.  For those who forgot, I am writing from the perspective of an illiterate Midlands Peasant (or, IMP), who cannot read (and therefore has not read the books).  Basically, my knowledge of the Legend of the Seeker's world is restricted solely to the tv show.  So, if there are plot holes that can only be explained by the books then to me there are simply friggin' plot holes.  More often than not my main gripe with this show is that it is full of WTF moments.  Perhaps I shouldn't say "gripe," because half of the show's entertainment value comes from moments where something happens on screen and my brain wants to explode because it is so ridiculous.

Turning to this week's episode, there were quite a few WTF moments.  First, WTF was up with those random dudes breaking into the Kieran's Tomb?  This is where Zedd wanted to hide the Box of Orden?  I realize that the main entrance of the tomb is different from the actual Crypt of Kieran where Zedd wanted to put the Box, but seriously those random vagrants bought a spell to break in.  Read that again: they bought a spell from someone and it worked to open the Tomb.  I think Darken Rahl would have figured out a way inside.  Plus, it only took the powers of two wizards to open the Crypt itself.  How hard would it be for Darken Rahl to round up two wizards?!  I mean, we know from the infamous flashback episode that he already has one working for him.

Second, why did the wizard who trapped Kieran not leave a note explaining himself?  WTF??!!  I mean, he took the type to carve into the simple wooden casket that Kieran's remains were there.  Why not a "O, and dudes, do not release this crazy murderous psycho.  The legend about him is false.  He is totally nuts." heads up to any future Seekers or wizards who stumbled upon his remains?  Was he in a rush?  I mean, obviously his quest with the Seeker ended.  I bet he had oodles of time.

Third, I have stumbled upon a question that needs answering.  So, Confessor's take over your will by looking you in the eyes, right?  Without doing that they cannot confess someone.  Why doesn't the Seeker and his Confessor simply not look each other in the eye during sex?  Would that be hard?  It's not like they can't kiss (it's rude to look!) and it's not like there are not multiple positions they could use to avoid eye contact.  And it's not like people have never used a blindfold whilst getting it on in the Midlands before.  WTF??!!!

Fourth, and finally, why was the wizard who helped Kieran dressed like an extra from a flashback scene in the Highlander?  WTF?! "I am Spell McWizard from the clan retard who will pick a murderous bastard to be the Seeker."  O, and nice work on that Seeker selection Amfortas.  Kieran came across as a bit of a douche even before he got it on with his Confessor, so let's not pretend that was the root cause of everything.

If you had your own WTF?! moments feel free to share 'em.  I'll be sure to steal your hilarity and not give you any credit!

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The Illiterate Midlands Peasant

Allright, it's your favorite Illiterate Midlands Peasant (IMP) again. I'm back to tell y'all what this week's episode looked like to my ignorant, non-Sword of Truth reading eyes.

Ok, so first of all, damn Kahlan looked good in that red leather outfit. I like the whole "I'm a pure confessor dressed in white" thing she has going on most of the time. But it's nice to switch up the outfits every now and then. I don't get too turned on by the S&M thing the Mord Sith seems to go for, but the tight leather bodysuit looked good on Kahlan to this IMP--regardless of its creepy overtones.

Second, there was a lot of WTF moments for me while watching this week. One main WTF topic kept coming back again and again: Why are these women so obsessed with killing the baby? Was it just one bad experience with a male confessor that caused all confessors to go crazy and want to kill their male children? Why are women better at controlling their confessor-power than men? I mean, I've met plenty of horny women and there are men who swear off sex to become priests. We've already seen a female confessor use her powers to confess an entire village and make them all her servants in an earlier episode, so it's not like female confessors have some perfect track record. So, why are all male confessors killed? Are the women scared of not having a monopoly on the power to make slaves of the people? And WTF was up with Mother Confessor confessing Zedd and having him attack the Seeker? Isn't that some sort of ethical violation of their Order? If not, it should be. If women acted that uppity in this IMP's household they would get smacked and told to go fetch me some fresh milk.

My other WTF moment involved the D'Haran General who was confessed. Why the hell was he sent charging into battle like the rest of the D'Haran soldiers after Zedd. I mean, it's not like it was any harder for Zedd to blast him with fire from a distance than it was the other soldiers. They could have used him to get all sorts of intelligence. I may be an IMP without any sort of military or tactical training, but even this arm-chair revolutionary knows that using a confessed D'Haran general for Wizard's Fire fodder instead of to infiltrate the D'Harans was incredibly asinine.

O, one final comment. So, the plan with the male confessor is to send him to an island with his mom and dad--two people he can't confess. Raise him in isolation, train him, and then release him into the world...WTF?!?! First of all, Finn is a confessed D'Haran killer. If the mother dies at any time (confessors can get sick, I assume. Or fall. Or have accidents) then he is no longer confessed and would likely take the boy to Darken Rahl for training. So that's a bit dangerous. Second, if you release a male with the power to have any woman he sees do him and be his slave for life, but keep him away from all women except his mother until he is an adult then you are going to create one horny monster. And how is he going to practice the use of his power if he never gets to use it? Think about that.

That's all for now kids.